Fix You
by luxdelune
Summary: Kurt and Dave are tired of running. Works as an angsty one-shot but I'm in the process of finding a happy ending for these two. NC-17
1. Chapter 1

Warnings: Angst and sex. Also this is unbeta'ed. I'm going to put this under the oneshot category for now but I am attempting to write a sequel.

* * *

Fix You

_Tears stream down your face_  
_When you lose something you cannot replace_  
_Tears stream down your face_  
_..._  
_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_- Coldplay_

Kurt can't believe he let Mercedes talk him into this. Any other weekend he would have been completely up for a movie night with his best friend but all the Blaine drama of last week had left him feeling depressed and with no other wish than to barricade himself inside his room and forget about the outside world for a little while. Kurt had thought that Blaine of all people would be able to understand and relate to his inexperience and insecurity over sex. No that would just be too easy. Instead he finds out that if he ever does acquire a lover and manages to get through sex he will more than likely have to worry about whether he will scare them away with his constipated O-face. Great self-esteem booster there, Blaine.

So despite his less than perfect week Kurt can't help but feel guilty when he receives a text from Mercedes reminding him that they have a movie date. He had canceled on her last weekend because of some Warbler thing and he just didn't have the heart to cancel on her again. Kurt sighs and checks the time on his dashboard. He left the house at a quarter past six to give himself enough time for the twenty minute drive as well as to order the requisite over priced popcorn that he and Mercedes always split the bill on. Sure enough when he pulled into the packed parking lot there was still 15 minutes to spare before the movie started and he could see Mercedes waiting for him by the ticket kiosk, hands waving emphatically and with a big grin on her face.

After parking, Kurt made an effort to smile as he strode toward Mercedes. He didn't want to ruin their evening being pouty over Blaine.

"Oh my god look at you boy! I swear you get skinnier and skinnier every time I see you! They do feed you at that prep school, right? You're nothing but bones!"

Mercedes hugged him tight and playfully nudged at his ribs but Kurt batted her hands away even though he couldn't contain a happy sigh as he looked at his friend fondly and intertwined their arms.

"God I do miss you 'Cedes. Every time I think about New Directions and all the Rachel Berry ass we could be kicking together it makes me wish I was still at McKinley."

"You're telling me. Ever since the whole Finn breakup she's really upped the ante on the whole crazy scale. Then again it's not like I have to tell you. I mean you saw how she was at that hot mess of a party."

Kurt's face immediately went sour as Rachel Berry and Blaine Anderson kissing began to play in agonizing detail in his head. "Yeah. I remember."

Mercedes gave Kurt's arm a squeeze. "Now we're going to have none of that. I know that boy has been driving you crazy but tonight is not about him, right?"

Kurt gave her a half smile as she pulled on his arm to get in line for tickets. "Right."

After they both paid for the seven o'clock showing, they headed inside to the concessions counter.

"Oh my god look at this line!"

The line for concessions was forever and a lifetime long. Mercedes looked up at Kurt, "You want to just forget about the popcorn? We're going to get shit seats if we don't hurry."

Kurt looked back at the line. Truth was Kurt hadn't eaten anything for lunch and he had really been counting on a little popcorn to tide him over til after the movie. "Actually why don't you go save me a seat that way we both don't wait in line, ok?"

Mercedes nodded. "Ok but hurry up or you'll miss the beginning." She flashed him one last smile before disappearing into the crowd.

Kurt turned his attention back to the line in front of him. He was looking at a good fifteen minute wait at least. As his eyes wandered idly around the open area that strange feeling you get when you are being watched suddenly hit Kurt. His eyes scanned the room until a set of hazel eyes met his own. It took a minute to register why that gaze sent a shiver through Kurt's frame but the knowledge of exactly whose gaze it was soon followed and Kurt was quick to avert his eyes. Of all the people to run into on a night that was supposed to be stress-free, it would be just Kurt's luck to run into his former tormentor. What a perfect end to an already shit week. Kurt chanced another glance at Dave Karofksy and felt his face go red as the boy in question was still staring at him with a strange expression that Kurt couldn't interpret as he talked to someone facing away from him. Annoyed at his reaction to Karofsky, Kurt folded his arms across his chest defensively and tilted his chin up almost as a challenge. Kurt wasn't at McKinley anymore and he was certainly not going to let himself be intimidated.

That is until he saw Karofsky end his conversation and then begin to move pointedly in Kurt's direction, his intense gaze never once wavering, and just like that it was like Kurt was back in that locker room at McKinley High with those hands cupping his face and those lips on his lips making him feel things he was not ready to feel. He hadn't told anyone, not even Blaine, how many times his thoughts drifted to his first kiss. How the look in Karofsky's eyes after he'd pushed him away the second time, that look of pure anguish and loss had haunted Kurt for months. Was still haunting him if he was honest with himself. Just like last time Kurt was rooted to the spot. He could only watch with mounting trepidation as Karofsky walked over until he stood directly in front of him.

"Can I talk to you?" The hesitancy in Dave's voice took Kurt by surprise.

Kurt rolled his shoulders back and finally broke eye contact. "I don't know, 'can' you? As far as I remember you were never the most verbose of trolls."

A beat of silence passed and then, "Kurt please, I, I, need to speak with you."

The crack in Dave's speech and the desperation in his voice made Kurt return his gaze to the jock in front of him, eyes wide as he took in the pain evident on his face. Since when did Karofsky have feelings other than rage? He took a few more seconds to glance over the obviously nervous boy and noted the circles underneath his eyes that clearly suggested a lack of sleep and the almost timid way he hunched his shoulders. The threatening air that usually emanated from the bigger boy was completely absent and Kurt found himself standing taller in response.

When Kurt nodded his head slowly in assent, it was clear that Dave understood this was as close to a 'yes' as he was going to get because he turned on his heel and gestured with his head that Kurt should follow him. Following at a measurable distance Kurt saw Karofsky stop before the entrance of a movie auditorium and look back at Kurt motioning once again before pushing past the double doors.

Kurt watched as the doors swung shut and then whispered to himself, "What am I doing?", but before he could give too much thought to that question he felt his legs moving purposefully forward until he too was pushing past the double doors and walking into the darkened auditorium.

Kurt stood still for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the lack of light but it wasn't long before he was looking nervously around him for Karofsky. He walked fully into the empty auditorium and squinted up at the empty seating before he cleared his throat, "Where are you?"

"Over here." Kurt flinched and whipped around to find Karofsky behind the curtain just below the movie screen with his arm holding the curtain open to reveal a lighted room just beyond.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't turn on the lights in the auditorium but there's a storage room back here with a light so..."

Kurt's mouth gaped open. "How in the hell do you know about this place?"

A blush visible even to Kurt who was still standing more than a few feet back colored Karofsky's cheeks before he muttered, "Azimio's uncle owns the theatre. I sometimes work here when their understaffed."

Kurt took a few seconds to process this information and then another several seconds where he seriously reconsidered following Karofsky. What was he thinking? This was the same guy who had threatened to kill him for christ's sake!

His train of thought must have been written plainly across his face because Karofsky was quick to fumble out reassurance. "Hummel, I don't want to hurt you and I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do. I can't, I won't do that anymore. So I'm going to go stand at the opposite end of this room and when you're ready you can come in, ok?"

Kurt didn't nod or say anything and instead watched as Karofsky let the curtain fall and he was once again faced with a choice. Karofsky had given him another chance to change his mind. Another chance to walk out of this auditorium and pretend like they had never seen each other. Another chance to run.

The only problem was when given the choice he didn't feel like running. He was tired of running. Tired of letting his fear rule his life. And whatever this was with Karofsky. He needed it to be over.

So in that frame of mind he pulled the curtains back and stepped tentatively into the storage room and true to his word there was Karofsky, hands clutched firmly behind his back as he leaned against the far wall. A mixture of disbelief and relief washed over Karofsky's face as Kurt straightened and looked over at him expectantly.

A moment of awkward silence passed where Karofsky merely stared at Kurt as if he had never in his wildest dreams believed that Kurt would follow him past that curtain.

"Ok Karofsky. I'm here. Talk."

Karofsky blinked and looked down but not before Kurt saw another flash of pain in his eyes.

"Dave."

"What?"

"My name. Is Dave." Karofsky looked back up at him and Kurt was taken aback by the unshed tears he saw in the jock's bright eyes. Kurt's neutral expression never faltered and he completely ignored the confusing pang he felt in his chest.

"I needed to tell you. That-" Dave's voice broke for a second and it was unnerving to Kurt to realize how close to full on sobbing the other boy was. "That I'm sorry, Kurt."

"You're sorry?" Kurt waited for Karofsky to expound but the boy merely nodded and brushed fiercely at the few lone tears that had rebelliously fallen down his cheeks.

Kurt felt his anger begin to bubble up at the other boy's continued silence.

"Sorry for what, Karofsky? Sorry for the slushie facials and for irreparably damaging countless articles of clothing? Sorry for pushing me into lockers so hard that almost 99.9% of the time you left me on my knees? Sorry for stealing my first kiss and any chance I have of ever forgetting you? Sorry for the death threat resulting in me having no other choice but to transfer schools? I just want it to be absolutely clear as to what exactly you are so sorry for?"

"Everything. All of it. I'm so sorry." Tears were falling freely now down Karofsky's face as he looked beseechingly at Kurt.

Kurt's anger however had only just reached its boiling point. "Well isn't that just convenient? The homo's not around anymore to threaten your normal, heterosexual way of life and suddenly you want to grow a conscience?"

Karofsky shook his head violently. "No! I'm not-this has nothing to do with that. I never should have done or said those things to you. I never thought this would get so out of control and I never wanted you to leave. I've missed you, I -"

"You've missed me?" The incredulity in Kurt's tone made Karofsky flinch and the jock couldn't hold back the sobs that were now making his whole body shake in frustration. "Fuck! This is coming out all wrong! I was tired of running, I _am_ tired of running Kurt. Tired of pretending to be something I'm not. Tired of wanting someone to know. I wanted you to know. And this is so messed up and I know it's all my fucking fault but I want to fix it. I know I can never make you forget but I want to make things right between us. I don't want you to hate me forever, Kurt."

Karofsky's words hung in the air between them and Kurt's anger vanished almost as quickly as it came. He was so very tired. "You can't fix everything, Dave."

Karofsky suddenly fell to his knees his arms wrapping around his stomach as he doubled over. Kurt felt guilt overwhelm him as he looked down at the state of the boy before him and on instinct Kurt closed the distance between them and knelt down opposite Karofsky to hesitantly trace soothing circles into his hunched back. "I don't hate you." Kurt had whispered so low that Kurt was sure the other boy couldn't possibly have heard him.

The gesture, however, did not go by unnoticed by Karofsky and before Kurt knew what was happening he was pulling Kurt forward blindly and burying his face in Kurt's shirt while his arms clung desperately to the smaller boy's back. Kurt let out a small exclamation of surprise as he looked down at the short curls pressed up against his chest. He could feel Karofsky's tears dampening his button-up but he did nothing to extricate himself from the other boys grasp but neither did he make any move to encourage him. After a few minutes, Karofsky must've taken this lack of response as a positive sign because he started to adjust himself so that his body was more fully in contact with Kurt's. Kurt still made no movement. It was strange but he almost felt as if he was testing himself. To see just how far he could let himself go before his flight response kicked into full gear. Intimacy was something Kurt had been very vocally uncomfortable with as of late. He had told Blaine that he was not ready to talk about sex or even do anything more intimate than holding hands but somehow here he was with Dave Karofsky of all people, letting the other boy touch him in a way that nobody ever had before. This had nothing to do with sex though. Kurt knew what sex looked like from watching 'those movies' and this was definitely too messy and emotionally fucked to ever lead to anything sexual. Kurt was doing nothing but comf-OH MY GOD KAROFSKY HAS A HARD ON.

Karofsky whimpered when Kurt's hands both grabbed hold of a fistful of curls each and pulled so that the other boy was now looking at Kurt with equal parts of shame, anguish and lust mingling on his splotchy tearstained face. Kurt was at a loss for words and then before he could filter himself, his insecurities surfaced, "Why?"

Karofsky looked at Kurt disbelievingly and when he spoke his voice was gravelly and hoarse from crying, "You're crazy, Hummel.", and with that he softly reached up and pressed his lips to the underside of Kurt's jaw. Kurt felt himself slowly going numb with each loving press of lips to skin that Karofsky used to map a perfect line across his jawline. The fact that Kurt did not like to be touched, that he really most definitely did not like this one bit, for some reason seemed to be less and less important as his body responded accordingly to every kiss. Kurt stiffened in Karofsky's grip once and for only a second when he felt the other boy's fingers skimming the top of his skinny jeans but as soon as he felt the other boy's lips hover over his own he lost the ability to think once again. Karofsky's kiss was nothing like the first time. Where the first kiss had been hard and bruising this second was nothing but a series of soft gentle brushings of lips that made Kurt ache for more contact. When Kurt began to squirm Karofsky's breathe became even more erratic and it took only one sharp tug to pull Kurt's pants and underwear down beneath his ass. As soon as he was exposed Kurt reeled back trying to stand up and pull his pants back up all at the same time which only resulted in his now semi-hard dick rubbing up Karofsky's chest and landing in perfect alignment with his mouth. Karofsky wasted no time, before Kurt had even regained his balance and had a chance to fully cover himself, Kurt's cock had met the back of Karofsky's throat. Kurt's knees almost instantly buckled and he had no other choice but to lean on Karofsky for support. The move seemed to only please Karofsky more because now every last inch of Kurt's dick had been pushed fully into his mouth and when he groaned around Kurt his eyes rose to meet Kurt's almost reverently. Kurt could only watch transfixed as new tears began to well up in the jock's eyes and stream down his face, mingling with the wetness of his mouth. It was only then that he noticed that Karofsky's hands were now moving in slow circular patterns around his hips and when he slowly began to move his mouth up and down Kurt's length with slow gentle sucks that seem to last forever and then not long enough all at the same time, Kurt could barely breathe because the other boy's hands were squeezing his sides and making him wish desperately to move his hips. Kurt can barely control himself after this point. He tosses his head back and runs his hands unthinkingly through Karofsky's hair, hesitantly encouraging him to go faster. Karofsky rewards him with a low guttural groan that shoots electric currents through Kurt's oversensitized body but it's still not enough. He can't help but let out a loud moue of disappointment when Karofsky's mouth leaves Kurt's cock completely.

"Look at me."

Kurt glances back down to see Karofsky with Kurt's cock in his hands. Once he's certain that he has Kurt's full attention he begins to mouth at Kurt's cock slowly from base to tip never once taking his eyes off Kurt's face. In between these hot open mouth kisses Karofsky begins to mutter incoherently, "You're so fucking pretty looking down at me right now. So fucking perfect. Do you want me to finish sucking you off, Kurt? You looked so fucking beautiful when I was sucking you off." Kurt's hand tightens in Karofsky's hair and Karofsky turns immediately to kiss the inside of Kurt's exposed wrist.

"Please." Kurt's voice sounds strangled and unpleasant to his own ears but the loud groan from Karofsky seems to signal that he does not share Kurt's opinion. His big hand comes up to rest on top of the hand Kurt has nestled into Karofsky's hair. "Don't be afraid to show me." When Karofsky places his mouth on Kurt's cock once more he presses down lightly on Kurt's hand to encourage him to set the speed.

And so he does. All of Kurt's hesitancy is gone and nothing is left but the feeling of Karofsky's mouth taking him in desperately. Taking everything that Kurt has to give with an overwhelming intensity that leaves Kurt gasping when he finally can't hold back any longer. When Kurt comes he doesn't know what he really was expecting but in the haze of the aftermath he remembers thinking before finally falling back down to his knees and clinging to the bigger boy's shoulders just how strangely natural it seemed for Dave to suck him clean.

He can't move. Kurt had never in his life experienced the intensity of emotions that were now roiling around in his stomach. Before Kurt could never have imagined anyone wanting him as a boyfriend, much less doing something as intimate as Karofsky had just done for him. He'd always been the one to want and each and every time he had made his feeling known they had been rejected. First Finn and then Blaine. He'd wanted them both but they had never wanted him. He wasn't worthy of them. He was the problem. What other choice did he have but to suppress his sexual desires when he couldn't even do something as simple as making someone want him? Everyone, even the boy now kissing every inch of his shoulders, had made it perfectly clear that his sexuality was not welcome. That he was not welcome.

Karofsky's lips on his wet cheek startled him out of his thoughts. He was crying. He felt another tear slide down his face but Karofsky stopped it in his tracks with another soft kiss and a low coo'ing sound that Kurt would have never in a million years thought Karofsky capable of. He had to get up. If he could get up maybe he could begin to think clearly again. As Kurt made an attempt to get off his knees Dave immediately tightened his hold on Kurt pulling on him so that he only managed to get one foot on the ground. Alarm and confusion tinged Karofsky's voice as he tried to catch Kurt's eyes with his own, "Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"I need to go" Kurt muttered and once again tried to pull himself to his feet but Dave's grip on him was stronger.

"Please just tell me what's wrong Kurt?" Dave grabbed the hand Kurt was resting on his shoulder as leverage and pressed his palm to his mouth.

"STOP." Kurt yanked his hand away. "You didn't do anything wrong, ok? I just can't do this. I need to go." Kurt turned around pulling his pants and underwear up as quickly as possible before brushing past the curtain without a glance behind him.

And just like that. He was running again.


	2. Chapter 2

Fix You

Well you own me with whispers like poetry  
Your mouth is a melody I memorize

...

I hear it echo everywhere I go  
Day and night

- The Civil Wars

Dalton Academies library was surprisingly empty on Kurt's half hour lunch period. It hadn't been difficult at all to sidle into a vacant table and spread out his textbook and several hand outs on Industrialization and Imperialism. He had opted out of joining Blaine and the other Warblers that he usually spent lunch with under the pretense that he desperately needed to cram in some studying before his next class period. It hadn't been a lie. Not completely, anyway.

Of course thinking back Kurt could almost see Blaine's pout when Kurt had texted him covertly in English class from his desk situated directly in front of the other boy. Blaine had leant forward brows furrowed, his hand resting lightly on Kurt's shoulder and in a hushed voice asked, "Can I help?" Kurt had shook his head and a few seconds later Blaine had received another text: _Can't afford the distraction. Let's meet up for coffee later, ok?_

Blaine had made sure the rest of the class was thoroughly caught up in the class discussion before he had leaned forward again, squeezed Kurt's shoulder and with a chuckle replied, "Distraction? Do I distract you Kurt?" Kurt had felt his cheeks go red as Blaine's warm breath caused goosebumps to rise along the nape of his neck. He playfully swotted Blaine's hand away as the other boy laughed quietly, removed his hand and left Kurt with a fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach.

It's been exactly two weeks since the storage room. Two weeks that have only lead to a series of equally strange events. Specifically Kurt now has a boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend but Blaine Anderson. Blaine Anderson is Kurt Hummel's boyfriend. Blaine Anderson, who has never known a moments hesitation when it comes to exploiting any chance to be the center of attention had all but demanded the Warbler Council to allow Kurt to be his duet partner at Regionals. Blaine Anderson, who had been mooning over some Gap employee last month whilst being completely oblivious to Kurt's feelings for him was now suddenly professing his affection for Kurt. Blaine Anderson, who had only a few weeks previous been blatantly telling him that he was hopelessly unsexy and sucking the face off one Rachel Berry was now spending all of his spare time cornering Kurt when he least expected it and kissing him breathless.

To say that Kurt was overwhelmed didn't quite cover it. More than anything, however, he was perplexed by Blaine's behavior. Not to say that he hadn't enjoyed Blaine's newfound interest, surprisingly that had proven to be the easiest part of there interactions, but the suddenness of the development had left Kurt feeling wary and unsure. He knew Blaine was a good guy and would never intentionally hurt him but the idea of blindly believing that Blaine wasn't looking through rose tinted glasses when he told Kurt "he moved him" seemed to be just asking for an emotional breakdown the likes of which Kurt had yet to experience. Kurt was a romantic but he wasn't an idiot. He'd done enough crying in his life to last a lifetime and while he'd thus far enjoyed all the physical perks of having a boyfriend, Kurt's trust was not something he could part with easily. He'd been down that road before when he'd first met Blaine and even more embarrassingly with Finn. He'd read too much into both of their actions and look where that had gotten him.

Kurt absentmindedly runs the pad of his thumb along the edge of his textbook pages while cradling his head in one hand as he looks out of the nearest window at Dalton's pristine grounds. It's nothing like McKinley's weed infested lawn but Kurt can't help but think back fondly on his old school. He misses his friends. He misses New Directions. After he'd seen them performing at Regionals he had no doubt in his mind that they would be going on to Nationals and even though he had just successfully finished singing a solo (ok duet but close enough) in front of a competition audience, he couldn't contain his disappointment that they'd managed to do so without him. It was ridiculous. He had no one to blame but himself. He'd run away. He'd given Karofsky what he wanted.

Or what Kurt thought he'd wanted.

Karofsky.

Kurt felt as if he was Alice and that storage room in the movie auditorium had been his rabbit hole. Nothing had made any sense since that day but instead of a world filled with talking flowers and bunnies with time pieces he had been thrust into a world where everything he had thought of as fact and everything he thought he had wanted no longer held any credence.

He had done everything he could not to think about what had happened between them in that cramped little room but it was impossible when every touch from Blaine in the intervening weeks had in some way been unavoidably compared to Karofsky's calloused fingertips. The comparisons hadn't been something Kurt had been doing purposefully but the thoughts were always there in the back of his head. Where both were inexperienced and almost clumsy in there endeavors, there was something in Blaine's touch that lacked the same questing and yearning need that had tinged every one of Karofsky's kisses and caresses. Of course Blaine was unquestionably eager and perfectly able to leave Kurt with a warm feeling curling within his stomach but even now Kurt felt uncomfortably exposed when he thought back to the hungry tenderness that Karofsky had directed at him. It was too raw to process. Karofsky had left him feeling like he'd literally consumed his soul that day. Perhaps that was the reason Kurt felt as if everything strange that had followed was now inextricably connected even if it made absolutely no sense. Perhaps it was also the reason that Kurt had seriously given thought to slyly gleaning from Finn how the other jock was doing to quell his nagging guilt. The guilt that made him cringe every time he thought of the hurt he'd witnessed in Karofsky's eyes when he'd finally pulled away that last time and left the other boy alone on his knees. He'd gone into that room in the hopes of ending whatever this was with Karofsky and had only ended up getting himself into an even bigger and more complicated mess. Kurt had been totally unprepared to face the emotions Karofsky had laid at his feet that day. Like Blaine's declarations of affection Kurt was instinctively less inclined to believe anything that could potentially scar his already wounded self-esteem but to compare the silly whims of a besotted school boy with the emotions Kurt had witnessed that day at the movies was like comparing fish to birds. Two totally different species. Only problem was this realization did nothing to change the past between them and because of this fact it turns out there's absolutely no way to casually ask after one's former bully without raising suspicion. However in the two weeks since he'd seen Karofsky, the issue still remained that Kurt was worried for the other boy. In some strange twist of fate Kurt found that he couldn't help but wonder if the jock was doing ok or as ok as a closeted and obviously tormented homosexual teenager could be.

Kurt swept his gaze to his cellphone that was sitting right next to his hand outs and bit his lip in contemplation. Last night he'd caved and actually looked through Finn's cell and found Karofsky's number. He'd programmed the number into his own phone simply as "D". Just one text. Just a quick, "how are you?" would surely be enough to satisfy this crazy need, right? He just wanted to know that the other boy was still breathing. That he hadn't done something completely stupid or hurt himself in some way. That was certainly understandable, he thought. And at least this way there was no chance of getting caught up in emotions. He was safe as long as he was looking at neat and simple letters on a screen and not bright hazel eyes with too much pain swimming behind unshed tears.

Kurt let out a sigh and grabbed his phone with no hesitation.

_How are you?_

A reply followed only seconds later.

…_.who is this?_

Kurt exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Ok. Karofsky was alive. Not that he had actually truly believed that word wouldn't have gotten to him if the other boy had done something as drastic as committing suicide but still Kurt couldn't stop the relief from filling him at the sight of direct proof. Now he could go back to living his guilt-free existence before Karofsky and his feelings had entered his life, right? Kurt's thumb hovered over the keys of his phone as he deliberated. What could it hurt to let Karofsky know that Kurt wanted to know that he was ok? He had been worried, afterall, and this was the perfect opportunity to settle as much as possible between them. A chance for some actual closure.

_It's Kurt._

Kurt waited several minutes before a dull buzzing indicating a new text made him jump in his seat before scrambling to open the message.

_Can I call you?_

Kurt felt his stomach drop as he read the text. Call him? Wasn't Karofsky in school?

_No I can't talk. I'm in the library. I just wanted to know if you were ok._

Another several minutes passed and then-

_I'm ok._

Kurt frowned at the short reply. It's exactly what he'd told himself he had wanted to hear but somehow now that he was looking at it, it wasn't enough.

_Ok. Well just know that I'm sorry I left you like that. It wasn't right. _

Kurt wasn't happy with his poorly worded apology but it was the only way he could think to express his remorse at how he had handled the situation.

_Not your fault. Payback's a bitch. I deserved it._

Kurt shook his head and his frown became more pronounced.

_Nobody deserves emotional distress. I may not be above revenge but that's not what that was about. I should hope I would never deliver such a low blow._

_I'm not exactly innocent over here, Kurt. What happened is my fault. I let things get out of hand. I shouldn't have thrust all my shit on you like that. It's not your fault that I'm so completely fucked up that I can't even function like a normal human being._

Kurt thought carefully before replying.

_Maybe you're right. Maybe it's not my fault. But I don't think it was necessarily your fault either and you're definitely wrong if you think that the only issues at work that night were exclusively yours. Everyone has issues, Dave. Even me. I could have stopped you but I didn't. I could have left as soon as you dropped that curtain but I didn't. _

Kurt hit send and reread his reply. It was true. He didn't blame Karofsky for what had transpired. He knew that he could have stopped but he had made a choice not to. He had started out wanting to see how far he could push himself and if anything the selfishness of that act alone when taking into account Karofsky's emotional state was enough to make Kurt want to apologize again. Kurt was startled out of his thoughts by more buzzing-

_Kurt, can I please call you tonight? I hate doing this through text._

Kurt stared blankly at the innocent question. His initial reaction was to ask why but he knew that he couldn't do that to the other boy and a part of him was curious as to what Karofsky could possibly have to say to him. And anyway, he rationalized, what would be the harm in making nice with the guy? He obviously needed someone to talk to and just maybe if Kurt was that person there would be a chance that Kurt could return to McKinley for his senior year. Kurt waited another minute before tapping out his one word response.

_Ok._

So much for closure.

_

* * *

_

_More to come soon...  
_


	3. Chapter 3

Fix You : Part Three

All the stars and boulevards ain't close enough for you

...

One last phone call from you, it wouldn't hurt much,  
I'd just like to hear your voice and pretend to touch,  
Any inch of you that hasn't said it all or read it all  
Or sung my life away

_– Augustana_

The coffee shop that Blaine and Kurt frequented was only a few blocks from Dalton Academy, and while before they had started their new relationship it had been normal for them to each drive their cars to meet up for drinks after school, it was now becoming a bit of a tradition for them to just walk together and talk about the Warblers upcoming projects.

Of course, now that they'd lost at Regionals there was an overwhelming need in _Blaine's_ opinion to bolster morale amongst the Warblers by "pushing forward". And what better way to achieve this than to keep busy by doing a touring show for the nursing homes in Lima and the surrounding areas. Kurt nodded along politely and listened to Blaine talk enthusiastically about the line-up and dance numbers the Warbler Council was currently debating.

"You should have seen Wes's face at lunch when I suggested we do a 1940s swing–dance inspired theme! I mean can't you just imagine the possibilities? Of course we'll do the Dorsey Brothers and the Glen Miller Orchestra but I think we could even work in a rendition of Bobby Darin's _Beyond the Sea_ and _Mack the Knife_ even though that would technically be moving into the 1950s. The only thing Thad and Wes are torn on is whether we should stick strictly to West Coast Swing in the dance routines or if we could pull off integrating a little Lindy Charleston. Personally, I think we have what it takes to pull off both." Blaine glanced over at Kurt for a reaction but the other boy was being surprisingly subdued, his hands buried in his red designer jacket and his eyes focused directly in front of him, but with almost no recognition that he was moving forward or that Blaine was looking at him with concern written across his face.

Blaine took the opportunity to loop his arm through Kurt's, pulling the other boy closer so that he brushed up against Blaine's shoulder. The action brought Kurt out of his head and he looked over at Blaine in surprise.

Blaine laid his head on Kurt's shoulder and looked up at him with comically huge eyes and in an unnaturally low voice said, "Well hello there. You wouldn't happen to know where my boyfriend is would you?"

Kurt rolled his eyes in amusement and shrugged the other boy's head off his shoulder in a huff. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I was listening with rapt attention."

Blaine's smile widened as he ran his hand up and down Kurt's arm. "Oh were you now?"

"Yes I was. 1940s swing. Bobby Darin. East Coast Swing—"

"_West_ Coast Swing"

"Whatever. At any rate I think it sounds like an inspired idea. No doubt you will croon _Mack the Knife_ even better than Bobby ever could." Kurt cringed inwardly at how sarcastic his last remark sounded.

Blaine's smile faltered and he withdrew his arm from Kurt's and moved in front of him so that Kurt had no choice but to stop and look at the curly-haired singer's suddenly serious face. "What's up, Kurt?"

Kurt looked at the other boy and did his best to smile reassuringly. "Nothing. Why?"

Blaine shrugged and rubbed his arm tentatively. "I don't know. You've just seemed ... distant lately. I don't know, I guess I'm just confused. I thought this is what you wanted, you know? I mean you do want to be with me, right?"

Kurt couldn't look at Blaine when _he _was looking at him like a puppy he'd just kicked. He cast his eyes to the side and took a deep breath. "Blaine. You are an ... awesome boyfriend." He gathered his nerves and looked back at the boy standing in front of him. "But you're also my first and everything has just been happening so fast. I just think I need some time to adjust and to wrap my head around everything. I'm still learning how all this relationship stuff works. I mean yeah I've seen it played out a hundred times with friends but it's a completely different perspective when it's _my_ relationship. It's just ... a lot to take in."

Blaine pulled Kurt into his arms and hugged him. "Why are you just telling me this now, Kurt? You know I'm not any good at reading signals. If I ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable you need to tell me, ok?" Blaine rubbed his hands soothingly over Kurt's back before pulling back and kissing the other boy's cheek. "If you want slow then we'll go slow. It may _kill _me," Blaine tugged playfully at the other boy's lapel, "but I really want this to work, ok?"

Kurt nodded his head in agreement and accepted the other boy's arm so that they were once again walking side by side. They walked in companionable silence for the rest of the way, and after they put in their orders for "the usual, thanks", it was as if all the resulting awkwardness of their previous conversation had vanished.

"So, 1940s swing. How coincidental." Kurt smirked and gracefully crossed his legs as he took a sip of his drink.

Blaine's eyebrows rose as he looked over at Kurt. "How so?"

"It just so happens that's the theme for this year's prom at McKinley. Quinn has been driving Finn crazy with all this big band music she is making him listen to. The Prom Court will all have to do a swing number just before they announce Prom King and Queen so she wants to make sure she has an edge on the competition."

Blaine shook his head and chuckled sadly, "Poor Rachel. I can just imagine how she's taking all this."

Kurt took a long drink before replying, "I don't understand why she insists on making herself as emotionally distraught as possible. Finn has put her through the wringer again and again and it's like she never learns."

Blaine shrugged as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "She loves him."

Kurt ran his finger along the rim of his cup. He didn't know why but suddenly Dave Karofsky's tear stained face was at the forefront of his thoughts.

It took Kurt a minute to register that Blaine was talking again, but thankfully he caught the gist before Blaine could notice his brief moment of inattention. Blaine had suggested they head over to Kurt's house and look over some of Finn's big band music. Kurt's back went stiff against the back of his chair. He couldn't have Blaine over tonight. Tonight, Dave was supposed to call him. Dave had texted Kurt shortly after Kurt had agreed to talk with him, asking if he'd be free at 8:00 and Kurt had wasted no time texting back with an affirmative response.

Blaine immediately picked up on Kurt's hesitation. "Oh. Do you have plans tonight?"

Kurt nodded. "I'm sorry. It's just tonight I promised my Dad we'd have some family time. Ever since I transferred it's just been harder to see him between commuting to and from Dalton, and then all of the Warbler practices and performances don't help either. I am free tomorrow night though."

Blaine was quiet for a few moments and Kurt was almost sure he could see through the lie, but then next thing he knew Blaine's hand was covering his own on the table. "It's a date." Blaine grinned and gave Kurt's hand one last squeeze before he stood up and downed the remainder of his drink. "Well I guess if I'm going to meet you tomorrow night I'd better get that 'balancing chemical equations' worksheet ready for Wednesday."

Kurt shakes his head reprovingly. "You're such a procrastinator. She gave us that assignment like two weeks ago."

Blaine adjusted his scarf and moved around the table to drop a quick kiss on Kurt's forehead. "Don't hate, Kurt. You know I'll still be the one with the higher grade in the end."

Kurt scoffed. "Keep telling yourself that, Anderson."

Blaine laughed and gave Kurt's shoulder one final squeeze before leaving.

…...

It was 7:45 and Kurt was trying and failing to concentrate on his English homework.

As soon as he'd come home at a quarter past five, Burt had appeared from the kitchen entryway, pink apron tied snugly in place, to greet his son with a hug and then announce proudly that they were having lasagna for dinner. Since Finn was out with Quinn for the night, dinner turned out to be a pretty quick affair. Burt and Carole had invited him to watch a movie on Netflix after they'd finished cleaning up but Kurt had declined with the excuse that he was swamped with homework.

The next hour and a half had been spent trying to keep as busy as possible and not think about the phone he could feel burning through the fabric of his jeans. He took the time to straighten up his room and by seven-thirty he'd managed to move his floor lamp from one side of his bedroom to the other three times. At this point he finally forced himself to sit at his desk to at least try to be productive. This was just a phone call after all. There was no reason for him to be nervous. Kurt pulled his phone out and laid it strategically to the left of his English spiral notepad and just within his peripheral vision. Only minutes later he reached for it again to check the time – 7:46. Kurt let out a frustrated huff before slamming the phone down and pushing his chair away from his desk, scowling at the floor lamp sitting innocently at other end of the room. When he finally gave in and moved his lamp for the fourth time, Lady Gaga's _Born This Way_ filled the room and he almost knocked the stupid thing over as he sprinted across the room.

Kurt, out of breath from his little exertion, fumbled with his phone before holding it up to his ear, "Hello?"

A pause and then Dave Karofsky's unsure reply followed, "Kurt?"

"Yeah, it's me." Kurt settled down into his chair and did his best to even out his breathing.

"Are – are you ok? You sound ... um ..."

"Yeah no I'm fine, I was just ... rearranging. … Stuff.", Kurt finishes lamely.

"Oh. Are you busy?"

"No! I mean no, it's not a big deal don't worry about it. I was just taking a homework break." Kurt blushed a little at his lie and tried his best to sound as nonchalant as possible.

Another pause on Dave's end and then, "What're you working on?"

Kurt opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out except, "What?"

Hesitantly Dave rephrased his question, "What kind of homework?"

"Oh", Kurt shook his head at how dense he must have seemed, "It's for English. Analysis of an excerpt from _The Bell Jar_."

Dave's voice gained confidence at Kurt's response, "Really? I love Plath."

When Kurt heard Dave's reply he was tempted to ask the jock if he was certain that his name was Dave Karofsky but instead he said, "You … you do?"

"Yeah, I do."

Kurt wasn't sure how to respond to this but a few moments later he realized he didn't have to –

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;  
I lift my lids and all is born again.  
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,  
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:  
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed  
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.  
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:  
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:  
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,  
But I grow old and I forget your name.  
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;  
At least when spring comes they roar back again.  
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.  
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Silence followed and then Kurt heard Dave chuckle, "Did I just blow your mind?"

Kurt was sure that if anyone could have seen him right now they would have been laughing at the utter shock written across his slack-jawed face. He managed to reply with, "Maybe just a little," and then regaining his wits added, "Then again how do I know you're not reading off Google right now?"

Dave couldn't help but to full-out laugh at this point and Kurt wasn't sure what it was about the sound but he was unable to control the smile that made its way across his face.

After a few more moments of laughter, Dave made the effort to speak again. "My mom is a high school English teacher. When I was little she used to read to me all the time."

"Your mom read you Sylvia Plath when you were little? Isn't that a little advanced and um, depressing?"

Dave's voice was tense now and no longer warm from laughter. "No, my parent's split when I was like seven and when mom left, one of the few things she left behind was a Sylvia Plath anthology."

Kurt's smile disappeared as quickly as it came and he felt his stomach clench unpleasantly. "Oh. Do you keep in touch?"

"No. She started over in Baltimore. New husband, new kids. I don't really fit into the picture."

Kurt was at a loss for words. He couldn't fathom just _how_ much more painful it would be to know his mom was alive and totally content to live a life completely separate from him. He did his best to not let his voice quaver. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, it's whatever. I don't need anybody's pity. Life's too short and too fucked up to be apologizing every time something doesn't turn out right." Dave's attempt to sound unaffected only resulted in intensifying the pain in Kurt's chest.

"Why do you do that?" Kurt couldn't keep the anger and frustration from seeping into his tone.

Perplexed, Dave asked, "Do what?"

"_That_. That male bravado shit. You do know it's ok to react to emotional pain in ways other than indifference or anger."

"Yeah, well, unless you've forgotten, the last time I tried that I ended up on my knees with a dick in my mouth and we both know how well that worked out."

Silence.

"Oh fuck. Kurt, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Then why did you?"

"Because I'm stupid! Because I don't fucking think, ok? I already can't control my mouth; but when I'm talking to you it's like it gets worse. You wanna know the truth, Kurt? You scare the hell out of me and it's not even because you're gay anymore. It's because when you look at me, I can't hide. Ever since the locker room I can't _fucking_ hide. I tried so hard after you left to be normal. Because I'm not like you, Kurt. I'm not strong like you. But you know what's even scarier? You make me wish I was. Make me wish I'd never said or done all those horrible things to you just because I was too fucking afraid to face myself. But I did. And I guess it all works out in the end, doesn't it? You're finally happy with that pretty prep school kid and I'm still as fucked up as ever. Karma at its finest."

Kurt was stricken speechless, as he did his best to process everything that Dave had said.

"You're not stupid. Confused, yes but not stupid. Furthermore, I'm flattered that you think I'm brave but I don't know if I can entirely agree with that assessment. Just like you or any other flawed human being, I've had my moments. And finally, Dave, just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean my life is sunshine and rainbows. In fact, my relationship with Blaine aside, I am not as happy as you would think at Dalton. I thought it was going to be a place that I would finally be able to be me without any hindrances, but it turns out people don't take well to _different_, no matter where you run to."

"Do you miss McKinley?" Dave's voice was surprisingly neutral.

Kurt rested his head against the back of his chair. "Yeah I do."

"Do you want to come back?"

Kurt could hear the earnestness in Dave's question. He bit his lip and rubbed his hands over his eyes tiredly. "I can't."

"Why? Because of me?"

"No, it's my dad. He – well he wouldn't approve."

Another long pause – the line was completely silent. Kurt almost thought Dave had hung up but then, "I need to make this right."

Kurt frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I mean this whole situation is my fault and I'm going to fix it. If you're not happy at that stupid school you need to come back. You should be going to Nationals with the rest of the glee club—"

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. I don't think you understand. This is bigger than you Dave. You can't fix this. And what the hell, since when do you keep up with the glee club?"

"I kinda went to Regionals."

"What! Why would you do that!"

"I wanted to see you. I thought I'd hurt you when you left like you did at the movies. I just … I don't know. I was worried."

"Ok. But still, you can't—"

"Kurt. You're not going to change my mind. I'm doing this."

"_What _are you doing?"

"You'll see. Good night, Kurt."

"Wait – Dave what—", but it was too late. Dave had disconnected.

* * *

I'd like to thank the awesome david_of_oz for beta'ing Part Three for me! I'm in the process of writing Part Four so I should maybe have the next part up before Glee comes back? Maybe. Anyway thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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